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[personal profile] dreamshark
I'm sure I am not the only person whose favorite pictures of themselves were taken by Dave Romm. This one from 1990 is IMHO the absolutely best picture ever taken of me. Thanks, DavE.

Taken by DavE

August 2017 Newsletter, Volume 116

Sep. 9th, 2017 01:08 am
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Banner by caitie of a newspaper with the name and logos of the OTW and its projects on the pages

I. 2017 Election Success!

The 2017 Election went off without a hitch thanks to the Elections committee and their collaboration with the Communications, Development & Membership, Translation, Volunteers & Recruiting, and Webs committees! Elections would like to thank all of the members who sent in questions for the Q&A and everyone who voted in the election. They also thank all six phenomenal candidates, and send congratulations to Claire P. Baker, Danielle Strong, and Jessie Camboulives for becoming our newest Board members!

II. At the AO3

After the upgrade to Rails 4.2 in July, Accessibility, Design and Technology has begun testing upgrades to move AO3 to Rails 5.1 and Ruby 2.3. You can keep up with all the changes made to AO3 in our release notes.

Open Doors had a very productive August! They worked with Translation and Communications to announce the import of The Collators' Den and The Fandom Haven Story Archive to AO3. They completed three semi-automated imports: Daire's Fanfic Refuge, HL Raven's Nest, and StargateFan. They also finalized preparations and began manually importing works from the archives Hammer to Fall, Bang and Blame, and Least Expected.

In August, Abuse received over 600 tickets, and Support received over 1,300 tickets. As a reminder, all Abuse and Support reports must now include an e-mail address for the submitter.

III. Legal Advocacy and Fannish History

The Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) was at the forefront of the Legal committee's August activities. They submitted a petition to the Copyright Office seeking to renew the vidders’ exemption to the DMCA, which allows people to rip DVDs, Blu-Rays, and digital files for the purpose of making make non-commercial fanvids.

Legal also submitted comments to the Canadian government suggesting what Canada’s copyright law priorities should be as it renegotiates the North American Free Trade Agreement. Trilateral NAFTA talks between the governments of U.S., Canada, and Mexico began in August, and will be resuming in September.

Lastly, the Fanlore homepage has a new section that features articles that require expansion. Go check it out and see what you can contribute!

IV. It's All About the Peeps

As of the 28th of August, the OTW has 680 volunteers. \o/ Recent personnel movements are listed below.

New Committee Staff: 1 AD&T, 1 Open Doors, 2 Communications
New Fanlore Gardener Volunteers: Syd and 2 other Fanlore Gardeners
New Tag Wrangler Volunteers: Chai, Canislupa, Andy D, Stephanie Godden, Windian, Relle, Miss_Chif, Annie Staats, leftmost, snowynight, kenzimone, Hannah Miro, Leo, Eliana, Evie D, Alex D., Dre, Lily_Haydee_Lohdisse, Reeby, Zed Jae, Nemesis, Koi W, Saoirse Adams-Kushin, englishsummerrain, RussianRadio, Amy Lynn, ElleM, and carboncopies.
New Translator Volunteers: 1

Departing Committee Staff: Asanté Simons (Volunteers & Recruiting), Amy Shimizu (Abuse), gracethebookworm (AO3 Documentation), 1 Abuse Staffer and 1 Communications Staffer
Departing Tag Wrangler Volunteers: 1 Tag Wrangling Volunteer
Departing Translation Volunteers: Maliceuse, Kyanite and 2 others


Sep. 22nd, 2017 06:26 pm
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[personal profile] athousanderrors
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Posted by Amanda Froelich

sea turtle, ocean, conservation, wildlife, nature, environment, science advances, poaching, activism,

Good news! Despite man-made catastrophes and the unwelcome effects of climate change, populations of sea turtles appear to be making a comeback. Comprehensive analys published in the journal Science Advances reveals that even small populations (which normally have a tough time reviving their numbers) are “bouncing back.” However, most sea turtle species are still listed as “vulnerable” or “endangered,” which is why conservation efforts must continue.

sea turtle, ocean, conservation, wildlife, nature, environment, science advances, poaching, activism,

The analysis was led by Antonios Mazaris, an ecologist at Aristotle University in Greece, and a team of international researchers. He and his colleagues analyzed data on sea turtle nesting sites around the world over periods ranging from six to 47 years. They evaluated each site separately and then combined those findings with standardized individual sets to look for changes. It was discovered that most populations of sea turtles are reviving after historic declines.

One species that is not thriving is the leatherback sea turtle which can be found in the Eastern and Western Pacific. This finding supports previous assessments made by the International Union for Conservation of Nature, which lists six out of seven sea turtle species as vulnerable, endangered or critically endangered.

sea turtle, ocean, conservation, wildlife, nature, environment, science advances, poaching, activism,

Related: Sea turtle is rescued after being dragged onto a beach and beaten for selfies

The researchers think the sea turtle populations are rebounding because the threats to the species are more tangible. For instance, sea turtles are most likely to be poached on accident by fisherman or intentionally by those who seek to sell their parts as “aphrodisiacs” and/or “delicacies.” By addressing these concerns and enforcing conservation measures which have been in place for decades, the public is more likely to advocate for their protection.

While this recent analysis is positive news, research is still lacking. More information needs to be gathered on male to female ratios, for instance. In the paper, Mazaris advises “cautionary optimism.” He also says commends conservation efforts which have persisted for the past 70 years, and says the “long term efforts need to be supported.”

+ Science Advances

Via New York Times

Images via Pixabay

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Posted by Jay Snook

friend request, psychological, supernatural, horror, review, seven pictures film, warner bros pictures

‘Friend Request’ Tries to be good but turns out to be quite bad

I get to see my share of horror films each year. Most of them are not that great, nor are they usually scary either. Sometimes I see one though that turns out to be surprisingly good. I didn’t have high hopes going into Friend Request. I was able to this film early and here is what I thought of it.

friend request, psychological, horror, supernatural, review, seven pictures film, warner bros pictures

(c) Warner Bros Pictures

You can read the plot for Friend Request here:

Popular college student Laura (Alycia Debnam-Carey) has tons of friends, both on Facebook and IRL. She graciously accepts social outcast Marina’s (Liesl Ahlers) online friend request, until Marina crosses the line and Laura unfriends her. To everyone’s shock, Marina takes her own life in a ritual meant to torment Laura, which appears in a video posted on Laura’s profile. Even though it wasn’t Laura who posted the video, or other creepy content that begins appearing on her page, her Facebook friend count begins to dwindle as a result. When her real-life friends start dying mysterious, cruel deaths, Laura must figure out how to break the deadly curse before it’s too late.

friend request, psychological, horror, supernatural, review, seven pictures film, warner bros pictures

(c) Warner Bros Pictures

Friend Request gets 2/10. I really didn’t like this movie. The story is really messy, and goes in some weird directions. The cast does the best they can, but there was nothing they could do to save this film. It was a clever concept on paper, and the ending was a bit surprising. Those are the only nice things I can say about it though. It wasn’t even that scary, and became predictable rather quickly. This is one of those rare films I would recommend you just avoid all together. Yet if you do want to learn more about Friend Request you can click on this website.

friend request, psychological, horror, supernatural, review, seven pictures film, warner bros pictures

(c) Warner Bros Pictures

Friend Request is out now. You can follow this film on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

The post ‘Friend Request’ A Good Concept, Yet Still a Terrible Film appeared first on The Good Men Project.

On digging of ditches

Sep. 22nd, 2017 11:01 am
brooksmoses: (Default)
[personal profile] brooksmoses
There are a couple of young men (from a local plumbing company) in my front yard digging a ditch -- or approximately so; it might be more accurately described as an enlongated hole to access a sewer pipe that needs replacing.

They've been at it for a couple of hours, and have made vastly more progress than I was able to make in quite a few hours of manual digging. Part of this is that they've got a small electric jackhammer, but it's clear that a fair bit of this is simply that they're better at it than I was.

Which just goes to show that "unskilled labor" involves skills too.


Sep. 22nd, 2017 06:00 pm
guppiecat: (Default)
[personal profile] guppiecat

Dwarf Mongoose_8

It can be very hard to positively identify certain animals, particularly insects. For example, with dragonflies, you have to know the colour and patternings on their body, but you sometimes also have to know general size, where they’re located, and the time of the year you saw them.

Of course, it helps if they’re also not partially inside of a mongoose.

Originally posted at stories.starmind.org.
solarbird: (korra-excited)
[personal profile] solarbird

Loading out for a weekend set of shows in Kennewick with Leannan Sidhe – if you’re in the area, here’s the Facebook event, c’mon out! Leannan Sidhe is a trad- and trad-style band, so playing a renfaire is something they do on the regular, even if very little of the music is actually Renaissance-specific, and the weather is supposed to be great. See you there!

Mirrored from Crime and the Blog of Evil. Come check out our music at:
Bandcamp (full album streaming) | Videos | iTunes | Amazon | CD Baby

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Posted by the Editors

Facial hair or none. Hat or no hat. Long hair or shaved head. Religions dictate much about our culture’s gender norms.

“A picture snapped surreptitiously and posted to Reddit’s r/funny thread has drawn attention to a little-known tenet of the Sikh faith. “Yes, I’m a baptized Sikh woman with facial hair,” Balpreet Kaur, a college student, wrote in response to her picture. Kaur, an Ohio State University sophomore studying neuroscience and psychology, is a baptized Sikh, and as such follows the so-called “5 Ks,” or five physical symbols that date back to the creation of the faith by Guru Gobind Singh in 1699, according to BBC. One of the tenets is kesh, or uncut hair…”.* Cenk Uygur and John Iadarola (host of TYT University and Common Room) break it down on The Young Turks.


What role did religion have on your developing masculinity? Did the religion of your youth and/or young adulthood affect your understanding of men, masculinity, or the roles men hold? Tell us your story! When you’re ready, click the red box, below.


The Good Men Project is different from most media companies. We are a “participatory media company”—which means we don’t just have content you read and share and comment on but it means we have multiple ways you can actively be a part of the conversation. As you become a deeper part of the conversation (Which really is “The Conversation No One Else is Having), you will learn all of the ways we support our Writer’s Community—community FB groups, weekly conference calls, classes in writing, editing platform building and How to Create Social Change.


Here are more ways to become a part of The Good Men Project community:

Request to join our private Facebook Group for Writers—it’s like our virtual newsroom where you connect with editors and other writers about issues and ideas.

Click here to become a Premium Member of The Good Men Project Community. Have access to these benefits:

  1. Get  access to an exclusive “Members Only” Group on Facebook
  2. View the website with no ads
  3. Get free access to classes, workshops, and exclusive events
  4. Be invited to an exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” with other Premium Members
  5. Free commenting badge, listing on our Friends page, and more.

Are you stuck on what to write? Sign up for our Writing Prompts emails, you’ll get ideas directly from our editors every Monday and Thursday. If you already have a final draft, then click below to send your post through our submission system.

If you are already working with an editor at GMP, please be sure to name that person. If you are not currently working with a GMP editor, one will be assigned to you.

submit to Good Men Project

Join our exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” — where community members are encouraged to discuss the issues of the week, get story ideas, meet other members and get known for their ideas? To get the call-in information, either join as a member or wait until you get a post published with us. Here are some examples of what we talk about on the calls.

Want to learn practical skills about how to be a better Writer, Editor or Platform Builder? Want to be a Rising Star in Media? Want to learn how to Create Social Change? We have classes in all of those areas.

However, you engage with The Good Men Project—you can help lead this conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Join us!

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Do you want to talk about how to have richer, more mindful, and enduring relationships?

Photo credit: YouTube/Young Turks

The post Religion at the Stem of Gender Norms (A Call for Submissions) appeared first on The Good Men Project.

havocthecat: angry christina ricci with a chainsaw (feelings kill them all)
[personal profile] havocthecat
Never try to mean girl at a Slytherin.

I just need to find a good picture. Suggestions?

People keep making the mistake of thinking that just because I'm nice, I'm a pushover. Or gullible. Or both.

That is...beyond hilarious as a concept.

Fuck everyone today.

(Work issues, though I've run into the same idea outside of work, I suppose. I will elaborate when I'm not vaguebooking on a work computer on a work network.)
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Posted by Julian Redwood, MFT

Embed from Getty Images
We all have powerful ideas about how men and women should be, how boys should be and how girls should be. Unfortunately, these ideas cause us to raise our kids in limited ways that affect their whole lives.

While girls are often told they can’t be politicians, boys are often told they can’t be dancers. We all know that this isn’t true and they can become all of these things. Our kids can obviously grow up to be whoever they want in their lives, but even if we agree with this idea in concept, our underlying beliefs are likely to still profoundly affect our children.

If we are unconscious about our different ideas about boys and girls, then we are going to pass these along and stop them from being able to freely explore growing up in all its forms. Unfortunately the affects are often far worse than just preventing our children from becoming a dancer or politician. Our ideas about how different sexes should act or look or play can be quite detrimental to their ability to not just be free, but even be happy.

What Do To about Ourselves

The first thing is for us to look at our own sexism. We are all sexists because we all have beliefs about what someone of each gender should be like. If we are not conscious of these beliefs, then they end up getting perpetuated in our kids.

If we can at least come to acknowledge our sexist beliefs, then we have more chance of preventing them from impacting ourselves and our kids. If we can say to ourselves, “Oh, yeah, I have this idea that men are better at this and women are better at that,” then we can come to think about these ideas and question them. Were we just taught them? Are they actually true? Or are they just really common because everyone else we know grew up with the same sexist ideas?

By taking the time to acknowledge and explore our sexism, we prevent ourselves from acting unconsciously with our children and passing along these beliefs. Often times it is hard to not act out of this deep sexist conditioning and all we can do is watch how we are interacting with kids from these ideas. But even that awareness makes an immense impact.

It is especially important if we have ideas about how girls should look or how boys should act. I highly recommend taking some time to think about what your ideas are because they really impact our kids. If we have an idea that girls have to be thin and can’t seem physically masculine, then your daughter is likely to go through life with a lot more insecurity and self-doubt. Our society already oppresses women with so many ideas about how they need to look. It becomes really important we not prepetuate that at home.

Our impact as fathers is particularly strong. If we can keep expressing our love to our daughters regardless of how they look, then they are far more likely to feel empowered in themselves and not have to profoundly struggle with their bodies throughout their lives as most women do. Little comments by fathers affect women for decades. Often we as parents think we need to tell our kids the truth so they don’t get teased or rejected out in life, but I can’t tell you how many women I have worked with as a psychotherapist who are still deeply affected by the off hand comments their fathers made.

What To Do About the World

The second really important thing that you can do, particularly as a father, is to notice the sexism around you. If you are with your kids, particularly your girls, and you notice a TV ad that is selling potato chips, but using women clad in bikinis, point out how ridiculous that is. Point out how strange that is that they need to use a woman and that most likely she was changed using computer software to make her look even skinnier.

See if you can counter that idea for your daughter that that’s how women should look, because they are getting it everywhere. Notice the messages they get and be a stand for how ridiculous it is that companies use women bodies to sell their products. Increasingly, this is true for men, as our bodies are more and more used in a very particular way to sell products as well.

So try and protect your kids from the sexism that is abounding throughout our society. Notice it within yourself. Talk to your partner about theirs, if you can, and notice where it’s coming in from society and stand up against that.

Thank you for joining me for another episode of Full Frontal Fatherhood. I would love to hear your ideas on how you handle these tough situations. Please join the conversation below. I’ll see you next time for another episode of Full Frontal Fatherhood.

Take care,

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Do you want to be part of creating a kinder, more inclusive society?

The post Sexism and Parenting: Protect Your Girls & Boys appeared first on The Good Men Project.

catherineldf: (Default)
[personal profile] catherineldf
 The new edition of SILVER MOON made Book Riot's list of 100 Must-Read Bisexual Books for Bisexual Awareness Week! 
I am very, very happy about this, not surprisingly. 

And now some background, for those just tuning in. The first version of MOON was released in 2012. It appeared at just the right time to be entered in the first Bisexual Book Awards and the Goldie Awards for Lesbian Lit.  It finaled in both, which was nice, if less nice than winning. Did I set out to deliberately write a middle-aged bisexual female protagonist? Not deliberately. I wanted to write about coming out at middle age, questioning your identity, menopause and werewolves, as you do. I started writing and getting my work published back before indie publishing and a lot of discussions about identity and orientation happened. Writing a 'bisexual' book was, for most of my early writing career, equivalent to saying, "I'd like no recognition or sales for this book that is not nonfiction or erotica, thanks." Hard to find publishers, no awards, very, very few reviews, very difficult to find an audience. Which is how the first edition of SILVER MOON got slotted into "lesfic," short for "lesbian fiction." This is not a bad thing, but it runs into a genre convention that all "lesfic = romance." So my little book about questioning and changing and finding yourself and turning into an awesome werewolf was not sufficiently romantic for the lesfic market, but too romantic for the fantasy of horror markets. It did okay despite this, but I have some scathing reviews from people who expected a different sort of book. 

Fast forward to this year year and I had the chance to make some very necessary updates to the original book and re-release it. Re-releases are not popular with book awards or reviewers so there are still some significant challenges. Also, when you release a book into Smashwords, Ingram, etc., your choices are "gay" or "lesbian," not "considering bisexuality" or equivalent. But it seems to be finding some of its people and for that, I am very grateful.

Artistic bitterness, because I promised! So 7 books, 90 or so short stories, several juried awards, most of them queer-specific, articles and so forth should make me semi-famous, right? Sometimes! And yet! I'm literally looking at two upcoming events in my own city where I've been passed over as a guest. Deliberate malice? Probably not. But I'm too old/too female/too small press/too whatever, so somehow my work doesn't count and I spend a fair amount of time as an "also ran."

Some fun stories: when MOON first came out, I did a reading with a hot young lesbian author and local bi conference organizers very enthusiastically and purposefully ignored me and invited her to come and perform at the conference. Then, I had a contretemps with a con com member for an unrelated con a few years back when I asked why my number never came up for writer GOH. I was offered a quid pro quo arrangement in which I could be GOH...if I slept with that person. It was not, of course, clearly laid out that way, but guessing the person they did ask was not asked to put out for the privilege. So, good times. I don't talk about the bad stuff as a rule because I'm a "living well is the best revenge" kind of gal, but yes, weird crap happens to me too. The publications that are looking for a specific "own voice," just not mine, which then choose a writer who riffs off my work, and all that fun stuff, does sting, and I won't deny that. But you know what? Someone thinks my work is good enough to put on a list of "must-read" books, I got some lovely fan mail from an unexpected source about some of my nonfiction, I'm working on a couple of new books and I've got some upcoming opportunities that I'm excited about. Take that, brain weasels and bad crap! And thanks, lovely Book Riot reviewer, for giving some great tools to combat the "why do I keep doing this to myself?" blues.

For whole_new_world

Sep. 22nd, 2017 12:37 pm
ladyofleithian: (Default)
[personal profile] ladyofleithian
Title: Second Mother

Summary: In a galaxy where Shara Bey lived, how would things have turned out differently?

Prompt: Dead Character(s) Alive

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Fic under cut.  )


Sep. 22nd, 2017 04:51 pm
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[personal profile] athousanderrors
via http://ift.tt/2xkNP9R:
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Posted by Ravishly

Embed from Getty Images

A few nights ago there was an earthquake in Mexico. But not just any earthquake, the strongest in a century. Registering at 8.1 on the Richter scale, this bastard has already killed dozens of people. There will undoubtedly be more.

And then there’s Irma. She’s headed for the Bahamas and Cuba now, but not before pummeling Barbuda, the Virgin Islands, and Puerto Rico, and destroying the Turks and Caicos on her way. Next she’ll move on to Florida. With winds of up to 185 miles an hour, dis bish is one of the strongest storms on record.

And not in a good way.

Coming up on Irma’s tail, is Jose. I just cannot.

Oh and then there’s Harvey. This, the costliest storm in history, buried Southeastern Texas under water deeper than they’ve ever seen. So far “only” 70 lives have been claimed by Harvey. And I only say “only” because after the loss of 1,836 in Katrina, 70 is remarkable. Horrible and horribly remarkable.

California and Oregon are on fire and temps on the West Coast have been so high that the folks of San Francisco, accustomed to August being a season of fog, have had to take their dogs and Blue Bottle coffee to whatever air-conditioned place they can find. No one in the city is prepared for 106. No one. These people don’t even have AC.

It was 113 degrees in the Central Valley last week. Even my desert tortoise, Bernie, was hiding.

I imagine Bernie yelling from under the shaded deck, “WTF IS GOING ON OUT THERE. I’m a desert tortoise not an OVEN tortoise.”

There are terrible things happening everywhere.

If you ask Kirk Cameron, “Hurricanes Are Sent By God For ‘Humility, Awe And Repentance’”.

And, “When he puts his power on display, it’s never without reason.”


Kirk, can we just go back to the days when you were Mike Seaver? It was a simpler time. You know, before you became a lunatic.

No, I don’t think the good Lord is trying to teach us any kind of lesson here. If anything, this is not the work of the Almighty. He’s supposed to be merciful and whatnot.

I think it’s Mother Earth that’s really upset.

You know how when you like got an F in Calculus because you didn’t study or do your homework and then you had to come home and tell your mom. She wasn’t like “I am SO MAD at you.” No, she was more like, “Well, I guess that’s what you get for not studying. I am really disappointed in you, Greg.” *MIC DROP*

Yeah that’s Mother Earth @ all of us right now.

I’m thinking we better get it together real quick before we have to take Calculus all over again. And by “take Calculus all over again,” I mean live in our cars with nothing but two gallons of water and some granola, which is a thing that is really happening.

If an earthquake breaks California off into the ocean, I am SO screwed. I don’t even have a first aid kit.

Immediate action steps:

Stop throwing fireworks and other burning shit into the forest.

You are the reason the air is so dirty that my car is covered in ashes and my kids can’t play outside.

Stop killing each other.

Just stop that crap right now.

And while you’re at it, stop using plastic straws.

We use 500,000,000 straws a DAY just in the US. It takes 200 years for a straw to degrade. In the meantime, they end up in a turtle’s nostril.

Just say no. You can drink a soda without spilling it on your lap. I have faith in you.

Stop pretending climate change isn’t real.

The polar ice caps are melting faster than they have in 20,000 years OKAY. All of this dramatically biblical weather is not a coincidence.


Real people are really dying. You can’t seen them, I know. But it’s happening and they need your help. Don’t send them your old clothes. Send money. BE PRACTICAL.

Give a damn before the ice caps drown us all.


Photo credit: Getty Images

The post I Think We Have Made Mother Earth Very Angry appeared first on The Good Men Project.

musesfool: close up of the Chrysler Building (home)
[personal profile] musesfool
This morning I met up with boss3 to do a site visit at a conference space in the Empire State Building and gosh, it was a beautiful room. I say site visit like the meeting is not actually taking place there next week (it is); it was more to introduce me to the staff on site since boss3 will be away and I will be staffing the meeting. Just like my meeting planner days! Now I have to put together the BEOs for the caterer etc. It's so fun! If I only ever had to do meetings in NYC, I would go back to meeting planning. It was the travel that killed me. Among other things. (uh, the building on my icon is the Chrysler Building, but you get the idea.)

I hadn't been to the Empire State Building since I was a kid, and [tumblr.com profile] angelgazing was like, "Why even live in NYC if you don't go to the attractions?" and I was like, "I've never even been to the Statue of Liberty." *hands* Generally speaking, the thought of masses of tourists repels more than the attractions attract. Unless someone from out of town wants to go, I generally don't do those kinds of things, though they are always fun when I do.

Anyway. The Good Place had its season 2 premiere Wednesday night, but it started at 10 pm and when I saw that I was like, "oh hell no!" I am not cut out for 10 pm shows anymore. So I set the DVR and watched it last night.

Spoilers from here on out! Please don't read if you haven't watched. It's a show that works best unspoiled the first time around! spoilers for all of s1 and the s2 premiere )

[personal profile] rachelmanija has a much more thoughtful post here.

laughing_tree: (Seaworth)
[personal profile] laughing_tree posting in [community profile] scans_daily

The most important thing about this fascinating and diverse mythology isn't whether or not it's 'real', it's what it says about modern culture. I've been researching this title since I was a child, nervously turning over the pages of 'real life UFO' books. -- Paul Cornell

Read more... )

Know Your Standards

Sep. 22nd, 2017 04:00 pm
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Posted by Sandy Weiner

Embed from Getty Images

Here’s the follow-up on Cassie. After he ‘stood up’ their phone date and made plans to be with a friend in need, she was angry. He made someone else a priority that night. All she had wanted was for him to have let her know that something else had come up. But they were not yet in a relationship.

Yet, she didn’t feel that now was the time for a confrontation, even if she could say it with kindness and grace. She resolved to put her feelings aside and talk about it on their date the following week.

A week passed, and it was now just three days away from their scheduled date. She had a sinking feeling that he was not planning on following through with the date, so she emailed to ask if they were still on. He apologized and said he was traveling for work all week and would not be able to meet her.

This was the last straw. Cassie was fuming. She waited a day before responding and possibly saying something she might regret. She composed a thoughtful email, stating how excited she had been to finally connect with someone who seemed to share so many common values. She also said that accountability and follow through are important values for her. If a person doesn’t mean what they say, trust cannot be built.

She empathized with the importance of his devotion to his work, as he had just suffered a financial loss. And she ended with an open invitation, that if and when he is ready to devote time and energy to a relationship, please feel free to contact her. But not before then….

Cassie’s standards are clear. Before she let this guy know what works for her, she was allowing him to call most of the shots, and every missed phone call/email/text/date was causing her to doubt herself. As soon as she stated what worked and didn’t work for her, without any edge of anger, she took back her power.

What are your standards? Make a list of five things you can not be with, along with the top five values that are non-negotiable for you.

For Cassie, accountability and follow through are just as important as religious outlook, kindness, and a positive mindset. If you are faced with a question about the integrity of someone you meet, whether online or otherwise, you can easily refer to your list. Ask yourself, “Does this fit with my values? Does this work for ME?”

What are your standards/values/non-negotiables?


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This article originally appeared on Last First Date

Photo credit: Getty Images

The post Know Your Standards appeared first on The Good Men Project.

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